This WORLD
US 94 - Olous is dead already as far as i am concerned. I never should have started on a revolt world in the first place. I only did because I followed someone I cared for very much, now they are nowhere to be found for me.
The alliances fell apart people left and I am there still.
Real life tragedy struck for me. I signed a DNR order for a family member on 10/30. I do not believe they will come back to my children as they have severe brain damage.
I don't really enjoy the game nor anything else right now.
I feel guilt and shame yet at the same time I think of myself, my needs and wants. Selfish at the same time.
Just treading water enough to get by in-game and in the "real game" LIFE or HELL whichever I prefer to call it. Seems more like the second and I seem to be the cause of a long trail of endless pain and despair that I leave in my wake as I travel through life.
Maybe the next chapter will change or perhaps it will end in even more destruction. My destruction or self destruction would probably be the best solution for any others involved.
A very complicated place for one very complicated individual who analyzes complicated situations and devises millions of scenarios as an outcome. It is just a matter of making the proper choice or go with something besides just the mental aspect and move forwards.