A few tips when looking for an alliance: pay attention to ABP (Attack Battle Points) and average points. Also, look for groups that have a solid core in your ocean. Don't judge an alliance by the number of players they have, almost always smaller groups dominate and larger groups tend to be more disorganized(MRAs).
Also, don't accept invites that come out of nowhere or that are only accompanied by a message such as "do u wantz to joinz us?". A good leader/recruiter will give you a more detailed message of who they are and why they want you.
As far as the "up in your face" goes, the better alliances are gonna demand more activity. But that's a necessity if you want to perform well on any world.
I hope I'm helping in your decision.